Ten Years After
by Pt29646
Summary: Adam returns to the Ponderosa with his family. There have been many changes, but the greatest is in his brother, Joe. Can Adam repair their relationship before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

Ben and Joe Cartwright were at the train depot in Virginia City waiting for the 3:10 to arrive. Roy Coffee, retired Sheriff of Virginia City, saw them and went over. As he climbed the steps, Joe came down to meet him and offer a supporting arm. Roy took it gratefully and sat down next to Ben.

The old men smiled at each other, and, when Roy had caught his breath, Ben asked, "Are you still making the rounds of your town, Roy?"

Roy grinned and shook his head. "No, I'm taking exercise. That new doctor Paul brought in told me I needed to walk every day to build up my strength and improve my lungs." He reached in his pocket and pulled out a cigar. "He told me to stop smoking, too, but I think it's good for me." He bit off the end, lit it, and took a deep drag. "Of course," he said as he exhaled the smoke, "it could just be that it's good for my nerves. Elinor told me I was as mean as a snake when I was sick last year, and she couldn't stand me if I was sick _and_ trying to quit smoking."

Ben laughed. Roy and Elinor had kept company for years after his wife and her husband died. When he'd retired as Sheriff, they'd announced their marriage at the retirement party Ben hosted for Roy. Everyone wished the newlyweds well, and Roy had moved his things from the small apartment behind the jail into Elinor's house the next day. His former deputy, Clem Foster, had stepped into the position of Sheriff, and the only difference the town could tell was that Clem was younger than Roy. He'd trained Clem for years, and the two were close as father and son.

Joe stood beside his father, and Roy studied the young man. In his early thirties, Joe gave the impression of being older. The combined losses of his brother and wife in the past two years had taken a toll on him. He seldom smiled, and, although he was considered one of Nevada's most eligible bachelors again, Joe no longer attended the town's dances or seemed to notice the admiration of pretty girls. Mothers sighed in frustration when Joe passed by. He was always courteous, but the essential "Joe-ness" was gone.

Roy sighed as he remembered the active little boy and the happy young man. Joe bent down to him. "Are you feeling all right? Want me to get Clem?"

Roy shook his head. "No, thanks, Joe, I'm fine. I'm just remembering." He turned to Ben. "So, who's coming in on today's train? It isn't one of your opera singers, is it?"

Ben laughed. "No, Roy, Adam's coming home, and he's bringing his family."

Roy blinked. The oldest Cartwright son had left years before to travel and see the world. He'd written Ben often, though, and they had been surprised when he married and settled in Philadelphia after his travels abroad. Without thinking, he asked, "What about his business? I thought he was working with one of those big construction firms."

"He is – well, he was. It seems his daughter is ill, though, and they want to get her out of the city. So he's coming home." Ben smiled in anticipation, but Roy saw Joe clinch his fists. He stared at the younger man's hands. The burn scars were terrible. After the fire, Dr. Paul Martin had been afraid that Joe would never regain the use of his hands. He had fought through the pain, though, and while he'd never have a fast draw again, he could ride and rope as well as or better than anyone on the Ponderosa. _And he found the men who murdered Alice and her brother,_ Roy remembered.

There was the sound of the train and its whistle, and the three men watched as it came into the station. It came to a stop, and they saw a few passengers got off. Ben stood up, anxious to see his oldest son again, and then spotted a tall man in a gray suit with a young girl in his arms. A pretty woman in a traveling suit was behind him holding the hands of two small boys, and Ben heard the high shrill voice of one boy asking, "Where's Grandpa, Papa? I don't see him."

Ben stepped forward, and Adam caught sight of him. "Pa!" he called. He rushed forward, and gave Ben a one – armed hug. Joe stood back and watched them before he stepped forward.

"Joe!" Adam smiled at him, and reached out to hug him. With a grim smile, Joe offered his hand instead. Adam looked down and saw the scars. "Oh, Joe," he murmured. The girl on Adam's arm looked down at Joe's hand, and Joe heard her draw in a breath as she tightened her grip on her father's neck and looked away.

Joe was ashamed of himself for upsetting the child. "If you'll give me your ticket stubs, Adam, I'll get your bags for you. Pa brought the buggy, so you and your family can ride home with him. I have the wagon, and I'll bring your bags."

Adam put his daughter down and started to follow Joe. "I'll help you, Joe."

"No. No, it's all right, Adam. Ride home with Pa – he's been looking forward to…" Joe's voice died away as he turned and walked quickly down to the baggage car.

Adam watched him go and turned back to his father.

 **…** **..**

That evening at supper Ben smiled as he looked around the table. For the first time in years, they'd had to add a leaf. Julia, his daughter-in-law, sat next to him, on his left. Eric, their four-year-old, was next to her followed by Elizabeth, age eight, who sat beside her father. Adam was in his old place at the foot of the table, and Abel, age six, sat between his father and Uncle Joe, on Ben's right.

Hop Ling, Hop Sing's nephew, had taken his uncle's place as housekeeper and cook. He'd worked all day, preparing dishes he hoped Mr. Adam's family would enjoy. When they'd arrived late that afternoon, the children had fallen on the plate of cookies he'd made, and would have eaten them all if their mother hadn't stopped them after one. "You'll spoil your appetites for supper." She'd thanked Hop Ling for his kindness to her children, and then taken them upstairs to wash and rest a little from their journey. Joe had arrived soon afterwards with the trunks, and he and Adam had carried them upstairs. Adam and Julia were in his old room, Abel and Eric would share Hoss's room with its big bed, and Elizabeth was in the old nursery.

Ben had removed the old crib and chest, and, with the help of Elinor Coffee, purchased a bed and armoire suitable for a child. Elinor had come out and measured the windows, and made new ruffled curtains for the room. When Ben tried to thank her, she had waved his words away. "You don't know how much I've enjoyed this, Ben. It's been a long time since I've fixed up a room for a little girl."

It was then that he remembered that she'd lost her husband and young daughter in an influenza epidemic. He mentioned it to Roy, and said he hoped he hadn't revived painful memories. Roy had patted his shoulder. "Don't give it another thought, Ben. Elinor came to terms with it years ago – just like all the rest of us."

Hop Ling had prepared fried chicken, bowls of fresh vegetables, biscuits, and a cobbler for dessert. As he brought the food out, Adam looked around the table and then smiled at his father at the other end. "Seems like old times, Pa."

Joe glared at his brother. "It isn't the same without Hoss. This was his favorite meal."

Everyone was quiet as Ben smiled at his son. "He is here – in spirit. Hoss loved the Ponderosa. I often feel him near me."

Joe stared at his father. The smell of the food suddenly made him feel nauseous, and he quietly slid his chair back. "Excuse me – I need to check on something…Go ahead and start without me."

Before Ben could object, Joe had grabbed his jacket and was out the door.

Adam looked upset. "I'm sorry, Pa. I didn't mean to upset him."

"It's all right, son. You know your brother has had a difficult time…" He glanced around the table at the children and was quiet. In the silence that followed, Eric looked up at his mother and whispered, "Isn't Uncle Joe going to eat with us? Why do his hands look like that?"

"Shush," Julia said, and served her son a chicken leg.

Julia took the children upstairs after supper, and Ben and Adam sat before the fire. Hop Ling brought them coffee, but Adam went over to the sideboard and poured two glasses of brandy for himself and his father. He handed one to Ben and, taking the other, sat down in the old blue velvet chair. He leaned back and sighed.

"Tell me about Joe, Pa. You didn't say much in your letter."

Ben took a sip of his brandy. "It's hard to describe, Adam. He's just not...Joe."

"He's mourning, Pa. He lost his brother and his best friend. He lost his wife and their child - they were murdered. His hands, Pa...the scars have to remind him of that night. Wasn't Hop Sing able to treat them?"

Ben looked at his son. "Adam, Hop Sing left soon after Hoss died. He couldn't bear it here. He went back to China to visit his family, and I hired Hop Ling. But over the last few months I've come to realize that Hop Sing is never coming back."

"What about Jamie? You adopted him..."

"And he's away in school. Joe wants him to become a lawyer - he thinks the Ponderosa will need one."

Adam frowned. "Joe's pushing someone to go to school?"

"Joe considers what he thinks is best for the ranch's future, Adam." Ben snapped. "He's grown up, matured...but he's different in other ways - he shuts me out...refuses to have much to do with our friends...seldom smiles...and he's drinking far too much..." Ben faced him and Adam saw tears running down his father's cheeks. "I don't know what to do for him anymore, Adam. My boy is dying every day, and I can't help him." He covered his face with his hands.

Adam stared at his father. The last time he'd seen Ben weep had been when Marie was killed. He went over to his father and pulled his hands away from his face, and rubbed them between his own. "Everything will be all right, Pa."

Ben looked at Adam and smiled a little. "I remember when I used to tell you that."

"And you were always right."

...

It was very late, and still Joe hadn't returned. Ben had gone up to bed and Adam was dozing in his chair when he heard hoofbeats outside. He picked up a lamp and went outside. The barn door was open, and, as he watched, the light from a lantern was lit. He walked inside to see Joe unsaddling Cochise.

"Joe?"

"Yes, Adam?"

Joe was dead sober. Wherever he'd been, it hadn't been to Virginia City.

"Pa was worried when you didn't come back to eat supper, Joe. So was I, for that matter. Where'd you go?"

Joe picked up a brush and ran it over Cochise's back. "Just to ride, big brother. You remember taking night rides, don't you?"

"Yeah, but..."

Joe stopped grooming Cochise to face his brother. "But what, Adam?"

Adam gave up for the moment. Wherever Joe had gone, he wasn't going to tell Adam. "Nothing, Joe. I'll leave a lamp on in the great room. I think Hop Ling left you a plate in the oven. The fire's banked in the stove, but it still should be warm." He turned and went back to the house.


	2. Chapter 2

Joe sat alone in the garden. He could hear the sounds of his niece and nephews playing in the yard in front of the house. He'd hung a swing for them, and enjoyed watching them play for a few minutes. Then he remembered the loss of his unborn child, and he couldn't bear to be around them any longer.

"Uncle Joe?"

Joe looked around to see Eric standing beside him, a book in his hand. "Yes, Eric?"

The little boy held up the book. "Can you read to me, Uncle Joe?"

"Yeah." Joe scooted over a bit and made room for Eric to sit next to him. The boy was bothered by the scars on Joe's hands and arms, so he didn't reach for the book. He let Eric put it in his lap before opening it to the first page. It was an old one. It had belonged to Adam first, then Hoss, and finally himself. He knew the stories well, and chose one at random. His voice was low and his tone was flat, almost a monotone. He felt Eric getting restless beside him, and closed the cover. "That's enough for today, Eric. Why don't you go play?"

Eric slid off the seat and Joe put the book down. The child picked it up and studied him thoughtfully. "You don't read like Grandpa and Papa and Mama."

"No, I don't suppose I do," Joe said. "They've had more practice reading to children."

Eric put a hand on Joe's knee. "I heard them say you're sad, Uncle Joe. Why are you sad?"

Joe stared at the little boy for a second, and then said, "I bet Hop Ling made cookies. Why don't you go see?

Eric grinned at his uncle and took off running towards the kitchen. Joe watched him go before turning away to look out over the garden again. It had been Hop Sing's pride and joy, and Joe could remember spending hours with their housekeeper – really, their second father – planting, watering, and weeding the vegetables and herbs. It had been one of his first jobs on the ranch, but he'd loved working with Hop Sing and Hoss so much it had been a pleasure to dig in the dirt, feel the moist soil between his fingers, his bare toes. He closed his eyes, and could almost imagine that Hoss and Hop Sing were still here.

There was a sound behind him, and Joe opened his eyes as someone handed him a cup of coffee. "Thank you." He spoke automatically, and looked up to see Julia sitting down beside him. She looked out over the garden.

"It's just beautiful, Joe" she said. "You've worked hard to maintain it. Adam told me all about Hop Sing and how he planned his garden so carefully each year."

Joe didn't comment, and Julia tried again. "The children love the swing you put up for them, Joe. They spend hours playing on it."

"It was my pleasure," Joe told her. "Adam built one for me when I was small, so it seemed only right that I do it for his children."

"There's a dance in town tomorrow night, and Adam and I are going. We hoped you'd go with us. Papa says you used to go to every dance held in Virginia City."

Joe swallowed the rest of his coffee, and stood up. "Thank you, Julia, but I don't dance anymore." He left her staring after him as he took the empty cup back to the kitchen.

Hop Ling was basting a roast when Joe entered and put his cup in the basin. He looked up and closed the oven door. "There are cookies if you would like one, Mr. Joe."

"No, thanks, Hop Ling." The housekeeper frowned. Hop Sing had warned him about Joe's capricious appetite, and made him promise to take special care of the young man. Hop Ling tried again.

"I made them from Hop Sing's recipe – he said they are your favorites."

"No, thank you, Hop Ling," Joe repeated and went up the back stairs to his room. Once there, he sat down at his desk and looked at the pictures of his family. There was a small portrait of him, Adam, and Hoss Pa had had drawn when they were boys – well, he was a boy. Adam and Hoss had been young men. There was a daguerrotype him and Alice, taken soon after their wedding. The original had been destroyed in the fire that had consumed their home, but Ben had gone to the photographer and had another made from the plate. Joe looked at the faces in the photograph. Alice had been so beautiful, and they had been happy. They had just learned she was to have a child when the men who murdered her brother killed her as well. He put the photograph down and looked at her music box. The killers had taken it with them, and it had helped him track them down when one gave it to a prostitute as payment for her services.

There was a knock on the door, and Joe called, "Come in." It opened and Ben stuck his head inside.

"Is this a good time, son?"

"Sure," Joe said, standing as his father entered. "Do you need something, Pa?"

Ben hesitated before speaking. "Yes, son, I need you to see Kam Lee and Su Ling."

"The Chinatown apothecary? Why, Pa? Are you ill?" The thought of losing another person he loved caused Joe to turn pale.

Ben shook his head. "No, Joe, you are. You've been through a terrible time these last two years – no question – but you're not even beginning to heal. You don't eat, you don't sleep, and you won't talk to me. I've spoken with Paul and his new partner, Michael Graham, and they've both suggested that you try an herbal remedy. They don't have anything that can help you."

Joe stared at Ben, unbelieving. "Are you suggesting that I forget Hoss, forget Alice and our child?" Unconsciously, his voice rose. "How soon did you forget Maman, or Hoss's mother, or Adam's?" He was shouting now, furious with his father. "I see their portraits on your desk in those gold frames. I remember how you turned away from us when Maman died – how Adam had to step in to take care of the ranch and Hoss and me. You couldn't do it – you were too sad."

Ben stood quietly, enduring Joe's rant. "That's right, son, and I don't want you to endure what I went through. Hop Ling tells me there's an herb, St. John's Wort, that might help. Kam Lee and Su Ling would know.

"You're carrying your brother and your wife and child on your shoulders, Joe, not in your heart. They wouldn't want that, and it's…it's killing you, son. I can't bear to watch you suffer." Ben's voice broke on the last words.

Joe stared at his father, and then brushed past him and out of the room. He ran down the stairs, stopping only to grab his gunbelt, jacket, and hat. Adam and Julia looked up as he rushed out, and Hop Ling called out, "Mr. Joe, supper will be ready soon."

He went to the barn, and saddled Cochise. The horse was old, and Joe no longer used him as a cutting horse, but he was a dear friend, and a link to Hoss and the old days. He mounted up and rode away at a gallop.

…

That evening Adam lay awake in bed, listening to the sound of his father pacing in his room. Joe hadn't returned for supper, and Ben had barely touched his food.

Julia turned over and touched his face. "Adam?"

"What is it, love? Are you all right?" Adam caught her hand and kissed it.

"Eric told me he asked his uncle why he was sad, that he'd heard us talking about it." Even though he couldn't see her face in the dark room, Adam could hear the guilt in her voice. "He must think we were gossiping about him."

He pulled her close, stroked her cheek, and realized she was crying. "Hush," he soothed her, "you mustn't cry. Joe's had a bad time."

"But Papa says he isn't getting better. He shuts you and Papa out, and can barely stand to be around the children. He's always nice to them, but he never plays with them for very long. I remember the stories you told me about him and Hoss, and, Adam, he just isn't that person."

Adam stroked her hair, and, after a few minutes, heard her breathing become calm and regular. She'd cried herself to sleep. He lay still, thinking about what she'd said. He got up, and, picking up his clothes, made his way to the hall and down to Joe's room. He knocked softly before opening the door. Moonlight shone into the room, and he could see his brother's empty bed. Adam lit a lamp and dressed. He was pulling his boots on when he heard a sound in the hall, and looked up as his father eased the door open. The expression on his face was so hopeful that Adam's heart almost broke when Ben realized that Joe hadn't come home.

"I thought it was your brother," Ben said.

"I know, Pa. I just came in here to get dressed. I didn't want to disturb Julia." He stood up, and stamped his foot into his boot.

"Where are you going this time of night?" Ben asked.

Adam placed a hand on his father's shoulder. "I think it's morning, Pa, and I'm going to look for Joe."

"I'll come with you," Ben said, but Adam caught his arm.

"No, Pa. You need to stay here. Joe may come in on his own, and, even if he doesn't, I don't want to leave Julia and the children alone. Please, Pa." Ben hesitated, but then nodded and went down the hall to his room. Adam watched him go. Ben was sixty - five, and considered himself as strong as ever, but Adam knew his father was slowing down. Hoss's death had affected him terribly, and then he'd tried to help Joe deal with the loss of his wife. Adam wasn't certain that Ben would have survived if Joe hadn't needed him so desperately.

He went out and saddled Dealer, the cutting horse Ben had assigned for his use since he and Julia had come home. Julia had been reluctant at first to move to Nevada, but she was so pleased with the improvement in the children's health and the extra time she'd been able to spend with her husband she was happy with the move.

Adam offered to design a home for Julia, but she'd laughingly declined, telling him she loved the convenience of built – in babysitters with Ben and Hop Ling. He'd noticed that she didn't include Joe, even in those early days.

As he left the barn, Adam wondered, _All right, Dealer, if you were Cochise, where would you take Joe?_ Even as he chided himself for being silly enough ask a horse, Adam realized that Joe was probably with the ones he'd lost. He turned Dealer towards Lake Tahoe, and saw that the sun was rising over the mountains. The sight was beautiful, and one that Hoss had always loved. Seeing it made Adam miss his younger brother more than ever, and more determined to find Joe.

They were less than a mile from the cemetery when Adam heard the sound of a gunshot. _Dear God_ , he thought, _if Joe's done something, Pa won't be able to bear it._

He kicked the horse into a full gallop and raced towards the cemetery. When he got there, he saw Joe sitting on the ground, facing the graves of his mother, brother, and wife. His gun was in his hand, and Adam dismounted and approached him slowly. "Joe?"

Joe turned. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you," Adam said. He walked over and sat down next to his brother. "What were you shooting at?"

Joe waved his right hand, and Adam saw a dead snake. "Copperhead – remember how bad they used to be around here?"

Adam nodded. Joe faced him suddenly. "What did you think I was shooting at? You thought I'd…"

Adam couldn't look at him.

"You think I'm that selfish, that I'd do that to Pa after all he's been through?"

Adam was quiet.

"Well, I'm not! If you'll remember, older brother, you're the one who leaves," Joe snapped. "Why did you come back?"

"Pa wrote me," Adam said simply.

"He wrote you before. He wrote you for years. He wrote you when Hoss died, and you didn't come home. He wrote you when I married Alice, and you didn't come home. He wrote you when Alice was murdered, and you didn't come home. So why did you come home now?" Joe's voice was flat and cold, void of all emotion. "What did he write that made such a difference now?"

"He said you were in trouble, that he didn't know what to do for you, and you needed me."

Joe spoke slowly and clearly. "I'm not in trouble, Adam, and I don't need you."

Adam took a deep breath. "Maybe you don't, Joe, but I need you. Julia needs you. My children need their uncle, and Pa needs you."

Joe snorted. "Your children don't want me to touch them, Adam." He held his scarred hands up in front of Adam's face. "And I can't blame them."

Adam took Joe's hands in his and studied them. "The scars are terrible, Joe, but the children will get over being afraid. Eric already follows you around, asks you to read to him, play with him."

"Leave me alone, Adam," Joe sighed. "Just leave me alone." He stood up and went over to Cochise. Adam watched as he mounted and rode towards home.


	3. Chapter 3

It was early morning, and Eric and Abel were playing with the old Noah's Ark. Ben sat watching them, remembering how Hoss and Joe had loved the toy. He and Adam had made the boat and carved the animals and Noah and his wife for little Hoss one year when money was short at Christmas. Hoss had loved it, spent hours playing with it, and finally passed it on to Joe.

Hop Ling and Julia were bringing platters of food to the table, and she called to them. "Boys, put the toys away and wash up. Breakfast is ready."

Abel stood up. "Put it up, Eric." He walked away with Eric staring after him. indignantly.

"You can't tell me what to do," Eric muttered, but he began putting the figures away.

Joe came downstairs and heard Eric talking to himself. He listened for a few seconds and then knelt and helped the little boy pick up the remaining animals away.

"Thank you, Uncle Joe," Eric said. "You're nicer than Abel."

Joe bit back a grin. He remembered what it was like to have an older brother bossing him around. He put the Noah's Ark up on a shelf while Eric went to wash up. Joe went to his chair. Ben, Adam, Julia, Elizabeth, and Abel were already seated. Julia poured Joe a cup of coffee and passed it to him. Joe thanked her and took a sip.

"What are you going to do today, Joe?" Ben asked.

"Hop Ling's given me a list of supplies to pick up in town. Is there something I can get for you, Pa?"

"Can I go with you, Uncle Joe?" Eric asked as he came to the table.

Before Joe could say no, Ben spoke, "That's a wonderful idea, Joe. Take Eric with you, and then maybe you can take him and Abel fishing this afternoon."

There was nothing Joe wanted to do less than take his nephews fishing, but he couldn't think of good reason not to, and now Ben, Adam, Julia, Abel, and Eric were all smiling at him. He nodded and helped himself to a flapjack.

 **...**

Eric scooted close to Joe as they rode to town. "Uncle Joe, Pa says you're the best rider on the Ponderosa."

Joe didn't comment.

"Will you teach me to ride, Uncle Joe?"

Joe answered, "Your father taught me to ride, Eric. He taught me a lot when I was growing up. You should ask him to teach you."

Eric's face fell, but Joe didn't notice. The little boy tried again. "Pa's real busy, Uncle Joe. He has to get used to being on the ranch again. Mama said not to bother him right now."

"So it's all right to bother me?" Joe's voice was rough, and Eric quieted down. They made the rest of the trip in silence.

When they got to town, Joe lifted Eric down from the wagon. He was caught up in his own thoughts and didn't notice that the child didn't flinch at the touch of his scarred hands. Eric started to put his arm around Joe's neck and settle on his hip, but Joe put him down and the boy followed him into Cass's General Store.

"Hey there, Joe," Will Cass greeted them. "You brought help with you today?" He smiled down at Eric.

Joe smiled a little. "Hello, Will. This is Eric, Adam's youngest boy."

Eric shook hands with Will Cass. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."

Will looked down at the solemn little boy. "It's a pleasure to meet you, son. You favor your father." He studied the child for a moment. Eric had Adam's dark hair, hazel eyes, and serious expression.

"Yes, sir."

Will released the boy's hand and took the supply list from Joe. He went back to the storeroom to collect sacks of flour, sugar, coffee, and other items while Joe went over to look at the small collection of books Will kept in stock. Eric looked around the store and moved to the door. It was early in the day and few people were out. He heard a soft mew, and began looking around for a kitten. He spotted it just outside the door, and wandered outside the store and down the boardwalk, trying to catch it.

"Well, that's everything," Will said as he and Joe hefted the last flour sack into the wagon.

"Thanks, Will." They went back in the store, and Joe called out, "Eric, time to go." He paid Will, and looked around. "Eric?" Joe walked around the store looking for the little boy. There was no sign of the child, and he went to the door and looked up and down the boardwalk.

Inside the Silver Dollar two men glared at each other over a table with covered with cards and poker chips. "You cheated!" one hissed.

"Smile when you say that," growled the other.

They rose slowly, staring into each other's eyes while the rest of the saloon's patrons moved away. Suddenly they drew their guns and began firing. Bullets flew wildly around the room and outside the doors of the saloon.

The sounds of gunshots and screams drew Joe's attention towards the Silver Dollar. He saw Eric standing just outside the saloon, and shouted, "Eric!"

Eric heard his uncle and turned to see Joe racing towards him. He froze, frightened by the look on Joe's face.

Joe was barely aware of the shouts and screams from the saloon. He saw only a little boy standing in harm's way. As he reached Eric, he wrapped his arms around him, and rolled with him down the walk, shielding the child with his body. When all was quiet he looked at Eric. "Are you hurt, boy?"

Eric stared up at him and slowly shook his head. Joe released him and moved to stand, but he felt numb and his legs were rubbery. Suddenly Roy was beside him with his hand on Joe's shoulder. "Stay down, Joe, you've been shot."

"Eric…" Joe began.

"He's all right, Joe. I'll take him to Elinor and she'll watch him while Clem gets you over to Paul and Martin." Joe watched as Roy picked up his nephew and carried him away. Clem motioned to two men who lifted Joe carefully and took him over to the doctors' clinic.

 **...**

Julia was pushing Elizabeth in the swing when Roy Coffee drove the wagon into the yard followed by Sheriff Clem Foster. He called out, "Hello the house!" before Julia could say anything. She left Elizabeth in the swing and ran over.

"Mr. Coffee? Sheriff Foster? My husband and Mr. Cartwright are out at the south pasture. Is there something I can do?"

Clem looked down at the small slender woman. "There's been a shooting, Mrs. Cartwright. Joe was hurt."

Before he could say anything else, Julia ran to the back of the wagon and saw her son sitting next to his uncle. The boy's face was pale and tear - streaked, and he held Joe's hand tightly. "Mama," he whimpered.

Julia fought to keep her voice from shaking. "Eric, darling, are you all right?"

The little boy nodded and moved towards her. She lifted him down and looked at her brother - in - law. Joe was covered with a blanket. Roy climbed into the back of the wagon and gently shifted Joe's body towards Clem. The sheriff lifted the slight man easily, and Julia ran ahead to open the door for him. He carried Joe inside, and Julia opened the door of the downstairs guest room.

"Put him in here, Clem. It's where Hop Sing cared for the boys when they were sick." She pulled the bed covers back and Clem laid Joe down carefully. Hop Ling came in with a clean nightshirt, and said, "I will help Mr. Joseph, Mrs. Adam."

Julia tried not to look relieved, and she left the room. Eric stood alone in the great room, tears streaming down his cheeks. She knelt and opened her arms. He ran to her and Julia picked him up. She sat down in Marie's old rocker and held him tight, humming a lullaby as he quieted down. Abel and Elizabeth gathered near. "What's wrong with Eric, Mama?"

"Eric saw your uncle get hurt."

"Uncle Joe was supposed to take us fishing, Mama."

"He'll take you another time, Abel. He's hurt and can't take you now."

"It was my fault, Mama. I was chasing a kitty and Uncle Joe..." Eric began to sob again.

Julia soothed her boy. "No, lovey, it wasn't your fault." She shifted the child from her lap, and put his hand into Elizabeth's. "Take your brothers to the kitchen, Elizabeth, and you may have a cookie."

"Yes, Mama."

She waited until they were out of earshot and then looked up at Clem. "What happened?"

Clem Foster stood, turning his hat in his hands. "A gunfight in one of the saloons. Their shots went wild, and Eric was near the door, chasing a kitty, he said. Joe shielded him, but he was hit in the back. Dr. Graham got the bullets out, and Roy and I brought him home."

"A medical doctor sent an injured man home in a wagon?" Julia was appalled. In Philadelphia Joe would have been admitted to a hospital with doctors and trained nurses on duty.

Clem looked down at his feet. "Joe wasn't the only one hurt, ma'am, but he has a nice home with a bed and Hop Ling and Ben to take care of him. There wasn't room for him in the clinic. Dr. Martin or Dr. Graham will be out to take a look at him tomorrow." He said goodbye, and left her.


	4. Chapter 4

Adam knelt by his brother's bed, Joe's hand clasped in his. It had been a long day and night. Joe hadn't recovered consciousness since Clem and Roy had brought him home. Paul had come out that evening and talked with them. "He's lost a lot of blood," Paul told Ben, "and he wasn't in good health, anyway. Stay close, Ben, you and Adam both."

Julia had persuaded Ben to lie down on the settee for a few minutes, and the old man, exhausted, had drifted off to sleep, in spite of himself. She covered him with an old Indian blanket and sat in Marie's rocker, reading her Bible and praying for Joe's recovery. Every now and again she heard the soft murmur of her husband's voice coming from Joe's room, and she knew he was praying for his brother.

"O merciful Father, who has taught us in your holy Word that you do not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men: Look with pity upon the sorrows of your servant, Joe, for whom our prayers are offered. Remember him, O Lord, in mercy, nourish his soul with patience, comfort him with a sense of thy goodness, lift up thy countenance upon him, and give him peace," Adam's voice broke as he spoke the words of the familiar prayer, and he buried his face in the bed covers. _I've lost Hoss_ , he thought, _I can't lose you_.

He heard Joe take a deep breath and let it out. Afraid that it was his last one, Adam watched as Joe took another breath. "Come on, boy, wake up. It's time to wake up. You've slept long enough now," Adam encouraged him. It did no good. Joe's eyes remained shut.

...

Joe was walking along the lakeshore, and he could see Hoss in the distance. His brother was asleep, his hat tilted over his face, and his fishing line tied to his big toe, ready for a bite. Joe decided to sneak up on him and tiptoed towards him. Just as he was ready to jump, Hoss surprised him with a loud "HAH! Gotcha!" He moved with a swiftness surprising in so large a man, and caught Joe up in a bear hug, swinging him around and around as he had when Joe was a youngster. "How are you, punkin?" he asked when he finally stopped and set Joe down.

"Hoss, I've missed you!"

Hoss pulled him close. "Joe, I'm with you. I haven't gone anywhere...I'm right here with you."

They sat on the lakeshore and Hoss listened as Joe told him all that had happened. Hoss listened, nodding occasionally, but he didn't interrupt Joe with a question or comment until the end. He looked past Joe and smiled. "Look who's coming here."

Joe turned around to see two women walking towards them. Joe stood and stared as his wife and his mother approached. "Alice? Maman?"

"Joe."

"Mon petit chou."

Marie gave him a brief hug and kissed his cheek. She moved away and Alice took her place. As they kissed, Joe felt his anger and despair melt away. For the first time in years, he relaxed and, when they broke apart, he led her over to where Hoss and Marie sat. They sat and talked, enjoying their time together.

It seemed to Joe that the day was passing too quickly. They watched the sun as it crossed the sky towards the distant mountains. "Don't leave me."

"We cannot stay, mon petit," Marie told him.

Joe bit his lip. "I want to go with you."

Hoss shook his head. "You can't, Joe. It isn't your time. You have things to do right here on the Ponderosa. Besides, how would Pa and Adam feel if you left them? They need you, Joe, they need you bad. And how about Adam's little boy, Eric?" Hoss laughed. "That little fellow's got as much talent for trouble as you ever had, little brother. He needs you to keep an eye on him."

"He's got his father and mother," Joe pointed out.

"And you had Pa and Adam and me and Hop Sing, and we _still_ couldn't keep you out of trouble," Hoss reminded him.

"Hop Sing left, Hoss," Joe told him. "He couldn't stand the Ponderosa without you."

"I know, Joe, but he's coming back."

Joe looked up at Hoss, wondering how he knew. Hoss just grinned. "He missed his family, Joe. He traveled all the way to China to find out that his real family, his real home, was on the Ponderosa. He needs you, Joe. He's in San Francisco now."

"I don't care," Joe answered. "I can't lose you all again."

Hoss shook his head sadly. "Joe, it ain't all about you. You stop moping around our graves. We're not there. We're near you, Joe, always. You don't even have to speak our names - just think of us and we're there. You go on back now."

And as Joe watched, they faded from sight. He called out to them, but they were gone and he was alone.

 **...**

"Hoss! Alice! Come back!" Joe cried out.

Adam caught at his flailing hands. "Joe, Joe, wake up, buddy."

Joe's eyes opened, and he looked up at Adam, catching hold of his arms. "Hoss!"

"No, Joe, it's me, Adam." He bent over Joe, pulling him close, and rocking him a little against his shoulder, soothing him. "It's all right, Joe. I'm here, and everything's going to be all right."

After a few minutes Joe's breathing slowed, and Adam laid him down. Joe's eyes were open, and he reached up to touch his older brother's face. "You're here," he said.

"I'm here."

Joe looked around. "Is Pa here?"

"He's here. He's lying down, but I'll get him."

Joe shook his head. "Let him rest. He looks exhausted."

 _So do you_ , Adam thought, but he didn't voice his opinion.

Joe sighed, and closed his eyes. He shifted a little, and Adam watched him go into a natural sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Joe woke up to find his father bending over him. "Pa?"

"It's all right, son. I'm right here." Ben smoothed Joe's hair back.

"Eric!" Joe tried to sit up, and Ben held him back with a hand on his shoulder.

"Eric's fine, Joseph. You saved him – you took a couple of bullets yourself, but you saved your nephew."

At Ben's words, Joe relaxed. There was a soft knock on the door, and Adam came in. He handed a cup to his father, and looked down at Joe. "How are you feeling?"

Joe stared up at his brother, and Ben answered for him. "He's awake, and I think we'll try some broth this morning." He sipped his coffee as Adam sat down next to the bed.

"Joe, thank you…thank you for my son."

Hop Ling came in just then with a cup. "I have the broth made by Hop Sing's recipe," he said. "Would Mr. Joseph like to try it?"

Ben helped Joe sit up while Adam piled pillows behind him. Hop Ling handed him the broth, and Joe took a sip. He continued to drink, and Hop Ling smiled.

Ben watched his son, relieved that he was awake and responsive. Joe finished the broth and handed the empty cup to Hop Ling.

"Mr. Cartwright, breakfast is ready. Would you like me to prepare your plate and bring it in here?" Hop Ling asked.

"Uh, Pa, why don't you eat with Julia and the children? I'll sit with Joe," Adam suggested.

Ben hesitated, but when he looked down at Joe, he saw him give a nod, and agreed. "I'll be right outside, Joseph."

Adam sat down next to him. "Do you remember anything?"

"There was shooting, and Eric was close to the saloon. I think I scared him, but…"

Adam shook his head. "You kept the boy safe, Joe, and took two bullets in your back. Dr. Graham removed them before Clem and Roy brought you and Eric home. You lost a lot of blood…we almost lost you…" His voice trailed off, and he sat silent.

Joe studied Adam. His brother had aged in the ten years he'd been away. His hair had been thinning when he left the Ponderosa, and he was bald now with gray streaks in his beard and remaining hair. There were lines on his face, but his eyes were still kind, and he was quick to smile with his family.

"I saw Hoss, Adam," Joe said.

Adam spoke gently. "Joe, buddy, Hoss is dead. Did you forget?"

Joe shook his head. "I could never forget. I found him. He'd gone out early to do the barn chores. He was on his way back when he...He was lying in front of the house, in the snow. He'd dropped the egg basket, and…" Joe's voice broke and a tear rolled down his cheek. Adam reached over and wiped it away.

"I'm sorry, Joe. Tell me what you meant when you said you saw him." Adam leaned forward and waited.

"I saw Hoss and Alice and Maman. They're all right, Adam. They looked just the same as when they were young and alive. Hoss told me to stop moping around their graves, that they weren't there, that all I had to do was think of them, and they'd be with me." Joe stopped, waiting for Adam to comment or question him, but he was quiet.

Encouraged, Joe continued. "I wanted to stay with them, Adam, but Hoss said it wasn't time for me to die, that Pa needed me, that you needed me…" Joe stopped again, wondering if Adam would resent the idea that he needed his youngest brother, but Adam was still quiet, listening intently to what he was saying.

"He said that Hop Sing is coming home, that when he got to China, to that province, he realized that we were his real family and the Ponderosa was his real home. He's in San Francisco, and he'd be home in a few days." Joe took a deep breath and let it out.

"Well, Hoss was right about a couple of things, Joe. I do need you – always have, always will. My life in Philadelphia was good, but I missed you and Pa and Hoss and Hop Sing. I didn't come home when Hoss died because Julia was expecting Eric, and I couldn't leave her in that condition, not with two young children, and it wasn't safe for her to travel.

"And Pa needs you, Joe. He always has, ever since the day you were born. You and Marie nearly died, and I think that made you a little more special to all of us – me, Pa, Hoss, and Hop Sing."

"Do you think Hop Sing is coming home, Adam?"

Adam smiled at Joe. "Time will tell."

"Do you believe that I really saw Hoss and Alice and Maman?"

Adam leaned back in the chair and sighed. "I believe that you believe it, Joe."

"Adam?"

"Yes?"

"Will you read to me?"

Adam laughed. "Sure, Joe, anything special?"

Joe grinned. "There's a book by a new writer about his trip west with his Pa when he was little. I thought you might have a copy of it. I'd like to hear it."

Adam stared at Joe in surprise, but he left to get it. When he came back, Eric and Abel were in the bed on either side of Joe. Ben had brought in extra chair,s for Julia and himself, and Elizabeth was in his lap.

Adam stopped in surprise, and Ben smiled up at him. "I understand you're going to read aloud to Joe, and the rest of us thought we'd like to listen.

Adam smiled, and sat down. He opened the book, and began reading, " _The Way West_ by Adam Cartwright."

Eric and Abel gave little wriggles of excitement, and Eric cuddled up to Joe and took his hand. "Are you in this one, Uncle Joe?"

"No, I wasn't born yet, but I think I might be in your Papa's next one."

Adam looked over at him, smiled, and winked, and continued with his story.

….

It had been a week since Joe was shot. Paul Martin closed his bag, and said, "You're doing fine, Joe. I'd recommend a few more days off your feet."

Joe groaned, and Ben laughed. "I'm so tired of this room. Can't I at least go out to the great room and sit in a chair or the settee, or go outside on the porch?"

Paul studied him thoughtfully. For the first time in years, he was smiling, not quite his old self, but that young man was gone forever. In his place was one who was stronger and more compassionate. "Ben, if you've got someone who can carry him out and put him in a chair…"

Joe groaned again. "No, not carried…I'm not an invalid."

Paul laughed. "Yes, you are – for the next few weeks at least." He picked up his hat and his bag, and Ben walked him out. Paul took a quick look at Ben. His old friend was looking better than he had since Hoss died, and Paul was happy for him. "He's doing much better, Ben. Call me if you need me." Paul mounted his horse and rode away.

Ben went back inside to find Julia placing pillows at one end of the settee as Adam carried Joe over to it. He set his brother down carefully, and stepped back as his wife draped a quilt over Joe's legs. She looked at the fireplace, and turned to Adam. "Do you think it's too cool in here for him? Should we build up the fire?"

"No, please, Julia," Joe begged. "I'm warm enough, and it feels so good to be out of that stuffy room."

Adam laughed, handed Joe a book, and went over to the office alcove with Ben.

The house was quiet. Julia had taken the children for a walk, Ben and Adam were working on the books in the office alcove, and Joe was drowsing on the settee. He was almost asleep when he felt a hand on his forehead and heard a loved voice say, "Little Joe, you did not take good care of yourself or your father while I was gone. What am I going to do with you?"

He opened his eyes to see Hop Sing bending over him. "You came home! Hoss said you would."

Hop Sing hugged him close. "Yes, I am home." He was a little concerned about Joe's mention of Hoss, but decided he would have his family, **his** real family, sorted out soon.


End file.
